Clove s eyes
by Ellstra
Summary: A story about Cato s death, with his memories on Clove s one. Cato s POV.


I run towards the Cornucopia trying to escape from that freaking creatures. I hear their heavy breath, I can sense their bloodlust, I know they want to kill me. I sprint as fast as I can because I don´t want them to catch me. Mostly because I have to do one last thing before I die. I have to avenge the death of her. Of the girl who came here – to this awful place – with me and who could have also come out if I wasn´t so stupid. The girl who was my best friend and who I secretly loved. So secretly I hadn´t know it till I lost her.

_She was very self-centered and conceited and she trained hard for the opportunity to volunteer for the Games. Much more than I did, because I knew they would never let me go, they would never let me to stay without becoming a part in the Games. I am too good. She was too, but she thought she had to train more and more. She thought it would save her life, but it didn´t make sense because she was perfect. Even I thought she was, I had never seen anybody as talented and hard working as she was. I wish I could persuade her to spend more time with me. All the training was no use. She´s dead now._

I can see the golden glint of the Cornucopia, it somehow shines in the darkness around. As if the Gamemakers want me to go here. I don´t know why, but everywhere behind me are those terrible creatures that don´t allow me to run from here. There is only one direction I can run and I don´t think much about it. I just run, brain full of thoughts about the dead girl who was everything to me. The girl whose name I can´t recall, because it hurts too much. She died in pain and left me here, all alone.

_And it´s my fault. I wasn´t fast enough to save her, she relied on me and I betrayed her trust. It was completely my fault. I will never forget how she looked at me when I kneeled down beside her, holding her hand and begged her to stay here with me. She slightly smiled even though it surely hurt her very much. Her smile broke my heart. It was something I hadn´t been seeing often. It reminded me of all her smiles I would never see, because I knew she was dying and she knew it too. And she smiled anyway. After I realized I would have to stay in this world without her I apologized. I don´t know if to her or to me, I just apologized for my fault. I hold her in my arms as life slowly disappeared from her. She was as beautiful as usual, without any visible injury, but I wasn´t silly enough to believe she would be alright. _

I know I´m not fast enough. One of the mutts jumps up in the air and it flies much longer time that it should. Its front legs hit my shoulders and I can hardly stay on my legs. My knees buckle and I have to let my sword fall on the ground so I can lean on my right arm. It would be much easier if I just let them kill me, if I closed my eyes, embrace my body with arms and silently wait for the end. I have never believed in life after death, but it´s the only thing I can think about now. I clamp to it, I have to hope there is something after this misery. I have to meet my little girl. But before I die, I have to do one last thing, because of the last words we shared.

„_I´m so sorry, Clove. I should have stayed here with you, I should have never run after that redhead. There is nothing I can say to change what happened. But I want you to know I´m sorry. I regret it, you don´t know how much, it´s my fault. I promised you I will guard you and I failed. You can´t imagine how much it hurts me and I - " I had never talked too much, but now I had to say so much, everything what I felt, I needed her to understand how much she meant to me. But she interrupted me._

„_It´s not your fault. I don´t blame you. And you mustn´t blame yourself, too." Her lips were moving slowly and heavily and she had to stop her speech for a few times. She closed her eyes and her chest rose and fell down so fast that I knew it hurt her and she wouldn´t be alright. I had to blink few times to fight off the tears.  
„It´s my fault. And I will never forgive me. And so should you." She laid her head on my chest and tried to say something, but she couldn´t. _

„_Clove! Stay with me! Listen!" I almost screamed when she closed her eyes. „Clove!"_

„_Win – for – me." She murmured so silently I almost couldn´t hear her. _

„_I can´t. I don´t want to live without you," I hugged her tiny body as if I tried to keep the life inside her, but it wasn´t possible. She squeezed my hand, unable to speak._

„_I love you," I whispered while the cannon fired. „I love you."_

I stand up and try to injure the mutt which attacked me. I don´t stay to look if it dies or not and run farther. The bod Artur I got during from the Capitol is not as reliable as I hoped. I feel the warm blood flowing down my back and I know all the animals will be completely insane to taste my blood. But the Cornucopia is nearer now and I know why did my legs bring me here. I think the beasts are not able to climb it up. I feel something hitting my back but I don´t care, it´s just a short hit, I almost don´t feel it. I reach the Cornucopia and I climb it up even though it´s not easy at all. My back hurts but I don´t care. I lie down on the Cornucopia and I try to catch breath. In the moment I´m up I see what was the thing which hit my back. Firegirl´s getting nearer, bow in hand, eyes angrily hooded and staring at me. I can´t see Loverboy and for a little while I wish he´s dead, but I know he´s not. He limps as fast as he can, but it´s not enough. I see Firegirl on the top of the Cornucopia and shooting arrows on the mutts which are trying to bite her or Lover boy. I have to admit she´s somehow amazing and she´s as good in shooting as my little princess was in throwing knives.

_After she died I didn´t cry. I suppose I´m not able to cry and the part of me who felt something died with her, because there was no need to be a human anymore. She died and I can be the monster I would be if she hadn´t been there for me to see the best in me. The only thing I could feel was a lust for revenge, I had to avenge her and also a part of me. I let her lie down on the ground because I knew they would take her body and send it to District Two for a funeral. This was the time I said to myself I will follow her. But I have few tasks._

Lover boy somehow reached the top of the Cornucopia, but his leg bleeds awfully and his face is pale. I think he doesn´t have much time left, but I won´t leave anything to chance. Not after what happened to my little fairy. I stand up and I lose the control over my body or thoughts from this time. I´m a machine which has the last thing to do before it stops working for ever.

_I suddenly imagined it really happened. And there were three people who I blamed for it. At first it was me and I had the biggest part of guilt because I was too slow. I couldn´t expect anybody to save her but me. And I failed. The second person who caused her death and who I hated was Firegirl even though it was totally stupid to blame her – I guess she didn´t want my little girl to torture her. But it was her fault, somehow. At least in my eyes. And the third was somebody who really didn´t deserve it, but she had a part of a guilt too, despite she surely didn´t know it. That redhead girl from five who looked like a fox who made me pursuade her so I couldn´t be with my little sweetheart._

_I didn´t blame Thresh, what is crazy. But he just killed her. He has the opportunity and didn´t throw it away. I had to kill him, but it wasn´t his fault. I planned to kill him at first, because he had the thing I needed even though everything I wanted was my muse, the girl who kept me together, to be alive. It was hard to kill him and I almost lost, but I had never been as dogged to reach my goal as I was in that moment. _

I find myself holding Loverboy as if to throttle him. I don´t know how we get to this possition, but I don´t care. Firegirl´s targetting me with the bow and one of the last two arrows remainded and she stares at me hatefully. I hear myself saying something, but the words are slipping from my lips without my brain controlling it. I´m curious what she´ll do. She doesn´t know I don´t mind dying if he dies with me. It´s the only thing I want now. But I somehow want her to be the one who kills him.

_There were two girls who had to pay for my fairy´s death. And I thought the fox-looking would be easier. Just kill her. It appeared to be easier than I thought. She died without me causing it. But what about Firegirl? I wanted her to suffer like I did. I decided to kill Loverboy, even though I wasn´t sure she really loved him. Never mind, if they changed the rules because of them, she has to like him at least a bit. She surely doesn´t love him like I loved my little princess, but I knew I would make her know his death was her fault. _

She looks at me and doesn´t know what to do. I don´t suppose she thinks about the posibility I want her to win. She doesn´t have any idea. I will make her kill me and Lover boy, so she will have to live alone. No, not alone. With her guilty. Maybe I´m a coward, but it´s what I´m afraid of and try to escape from.

I know something went wrong when the arrow hits my arm and I feel a terrible pain. I lose my mind for a while and I find myself falling over the edge of the Cornucopia. Only thing I could think about is that Lover boy is still up. Safe. With her emracing him and trying to stop the bleeding from his leg. I failed. Again. I´m gonna die, but she won´t pay. Why?

I hit the ground and the mutts come to kill me. I see the bloodlust in their eyes and I know it won´t be the death I´d choose if I had a chance. As the first reaches me and bites me, I shout out painfully but when the others come, I have less strenght. And then I recognize eyes of one of them. The dark brown eyes with little dots of gold. Long eyelashes. Her eyes.

This is the thing which really kills me, no matter how much wounds I have. I don´t know if it was because of me why do the mutts have the dead tributes´ eyes, but it hurts so much. I shut my eyes but I can´t erase it from my mind. I feel a pain, terrible, overwhelming pain in all parts of my body, but I still can´t die. Why?

Sometimes I scream, sometimes I just moan. After a long, long time I finally lose my consciousness. Finally. I know I´m gonna die now. Finally. I can slip away from my nightmare, from the pain and from her eyes looking at me with revenge, bloodlust and hatred. Eyes of my beloved in the face of my killer, face of the terrible beast. Beautiful eyes of a girl I loved and who my last thoughts are dedicated to. Eyes of Clove.


End file.
